On July 26 1775, Ben Franklin established our Postal system. So, in honor of that, here are the top ten ways the Post Office will spend the profits from the increase in postage:
10. Hire consultants to figure out how to plan next rate hike.
9. Find new and better ways to lose our nation's mail.
8. Stamps the size of door mats!
7. Face lift for Mr. Zip.
6. Commemorative stamp collection featuring President Clinton and all of his mistresses.
5. Lobby to put a mailman on Mount Rushmore.
4. Battery-operated vibrating mail bags.
3. Special stamp glue that gives you a three hour buzz.
2. Retain the services of Robert Shapiro.
And the number one way to spend the profit....
1. Ammo! Ammo! Ammo!
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